Five Secrets to Overcoming Deep Wounds

As a child, I often witnessed my father grapple with deep emotional wounds caused by those closest to him. Whether from family members or even our pastor, his response followed a consistent pattern. As I grew older, I realized that my father turned to the Bible for wisdom on how to handle these hurts, sharing five key scriptures with us, his children. These teachings guided him through life’s challenges, and he believed they would be powerful tools for us as well.

Before diving into these five insights, it's important to acknowledge that sometimes, distancing yourself from a harmful or abusive person is necessary. These principles are not about staying in unhealthy situations, but about managing your heart amid hurt, even when stepping away is the safest choice.

Here is the first secret to overcoming deep wounds—while they may seem counterintuitive at first, their wisdom runs deep.

Secret Number One

1. Why Not Rather Be Wronged?
1 Corinthians 6:7
"To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?"

Embracing the idea of being wronged can be life-changing. This verse invites a mindset that doesn’t seek revenge or insist on always being right. It’s about humility, about being able to say, “It’s okay if I’m wronged.” Accepting this truth doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise. By doing so, you disarm conflict and avoid bitterness. You don’t need to retaliate, as God is your strength and avenger. Taking this approach helps you rise above most conflicts, creating space for God to work on your behalf.

Secret Number Two:

Leave Room for God to Avenge
(Romans 12:19)
"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord."

When we’re hurt, seeking revenge feels like the natural response. However, Romans reminds us to entrust that burden to God. Though God’s timing may not match our own, seeking revenge only poisons the heart. Trusting in God’s perfect justice, however, brings true peace. Whether you’re tempted to retaliate with silence, harsh words, or gossip, remember that God sees your pain, and He will bring justice in His time.

Secret Number Three:

Give Food and Drink to Your Enemy
(Proverbs 25:21-22)
"If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."

This principle is one of the hardest to follow. Why should you show kindness to someone who has hurt you? Yet, scripture calls us to bless our enemies. My father embodied this when he cared for his abusive father, performing acts of service like mowing his lawn and paying his bills—even after learning of the harm his father had caused. Despite his father’s ingratitude, he continued to show kindness.

Secret Number Four: 

Comfort, Forgive, and Reaffirm Your Love
(2 Corinthians 2:5-11)
"Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for the sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his designs."

When someone hurts us, the instinct is to distance ourselves, not to comfort or forgive. Yet this passage urges us to forgive and show compassion to prevent bitterness from taking root. My father practiced this principle by taking those who wronged him out to dinner—not to confront them, but simply to show kindness. While this gesture may not fix the relationship, it begins to heal your heart.

Secret Number Five

Love Those Who Persecute You
(Matthew 5:44)
"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Loving those who despise or harm you is one of the most challenging commands in Scripture. Yet, it’s a powerful way to break the cycle of hatred and invite God’s love into dark situations. True love shines brightest when we extend it to those who mistreat us. Jesus set this example on the cross, and by following His lead, we find healing for ourselves and offer light to others.

Application:
When someone hurts you, resist the urge for revenge—be it through coldness or confrontation. Leave room for God to handle it His way.

Further Growth:
Enroll in our online marriage class, "How to Fix/Love Your Spouse."
Though you can’t fix them, you can discover ways to inspire change, even when they’ve hurt you.

CLICK HERE to see more about our online marriage class.