When it comes to restoring a broken relationship—especially in marriage—this may be the most important advice you’ll ever receive. There is one powerful step you must take if you want to win your spouse’s heart back. It’s not easy, it’s not flashy, and it’s not popular in today’s culture—but it is transformational.

This step goes against your natural instincts. It contradicts your emotions. It even defies your sense of justice. But if you want healing, peace, and the potential for restoration, this step is absolutely critical.

That step is humility.

God Commands It, and Then He Blesses It

Humility is not optional in God’s economy. It’s not a personality trait reserved for the quiet or timid. Humility is a spiritual posture that invites divine favor—and unlocks relational healing.

Let’s look at what God says:

• 1 Peter 5:6-7
  “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
• James 4:10
  “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
• Matthew 23:12
  “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
• Philippians 2:3-4
  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

God doesn’t just suggest humility—He commands it. And every command of God is tied to a blessing. When you choose humility, especially in the heat of conflict or the sting of betrayal, you position yourself to receive God’s favor.

Why Humility Is So Crucial in Conflict

Choosing humility is one of the most Christlike responses you can offer during a conflict. In Scripture, it’s clear that God resists the proud but pours out His grace on the humble. And here’s the powerful part: It doesn’t matter who’s right. It doesn’t matter how badly you were hurt. Even if you’re the innocent one—especially then—humility changes everything.

Here are some life-changing benefits of choosing humility in the middle of pain:

• God blesses you in ways you didn’t expect
• He begins to heal your wounds
• Your heart finds relief and peace
• You grow in strength for future conflict
• You break free from the chains of bitterness
• You are no longer bound by the identity of a victim
• The relationship may (not always) be restored
• You’ll sleep better at night
• You model emotional and spiritual maturity to your children
• You can experience joy even in the middle of the storm

When you take the low road, God lifts you to higher ground. He becomes your defender. He brings justice in His time and in His way. Your job is not to win the fight—but to win the heart. Humility is how and it’s the most powerful step you’ll ever take in conflict.

The Real Obstacles

So why don’t we choose humility more often? Let’s be honest—it’s incredibly hard. When we’re hurting, everything in us wants to react, defend, and accuse. We want to be seen and heard, and sometimes, we want our spouse to feel the same pain we do.

Here’s where many of us go wrong:

• We lack patience and want instant resolution
• We let our emotions dictate our reactions
• We try to fix it ourselves without consulting God
• We justify our own behavior by focusing on our spouse’s failures
• We struggle to believe God will actually intervene
• We are focused more on ourselves than on Christ

In moments of marital tension, these patterns often become traps—and before we realize it, we’re standing on a mountain of self-righteousness, declaring how wrong our spouse is, all while ignoring our own part in the pain.

But what if, instead, we came down from that mountain and bowed low before God and each other?

How to Walk in Humility During Marital Conflict

Humility is not a feeling—it’s a choice. It’s a set of intentional actions you take, even when your emotions resist. Here are practical ways you can practice humility when your marriage is under stress:

1. Start by owning your part.
Apologize—even if your part was small. Repentance softens hearts. Ask yourself: “Is there anything I could’ve said or done differently?” If there is, confess it humbly. It may be the key that begins the healing process.

2. Keep communication open.
It takes enormous humility to speak gently when you feel upset or misunderstood. But communication is essential. Remain calm and kind. You can speak truth without harshness. You can express your needs without blame. Kindness is not weakness—it’s strength under control.

3. Go on a date.
Pursue time with your spouse, even if it’s awkward at first. You don’t need to resolve everything in one night. Just show up. Choose connection. Your heart will eventually follow your decisions.

4. Be negotiable.
Flexibility is a litmus test for humility. The more willing you are to consider your spouse’s perspective, the more humble your posture becomes.

5. Write a heartfelt card.
Take time to write down your thoughts in a loving, non-confrontational way. Reaffirm your love. Acknowledge the pain. Avoid blame, and simply express your desire to weather this storm together.

6. Bite your tongue during heated moments.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. Silence during conflict can be a sign of spiritual maturity. If emotions are flaring, stay calm and save the discussion for a better time. Then, come back when cooler heads can prevail.

Embrace the Power of Humility

Humility doesn’t weaken you—it empowers you.

It gives you the strength to say the right things in the right way.
It helps you preserve your integrity under pressure.
It positions you to influence your spouse, not control them.
It helps you set healthy boundaries without creating bigger walls.

God’s Word is clear: He commands humility—and then He rewards it.
You don’t have to trust your spouse to humble yourself. You have to trust God.

Test Him. Obey Him. Watch What He Does.