“Marital happiness is often directly connected to the level of negotiability within your marriage.” – Matt Loehr

Marriage is one of life’s most meaningful relationships, yet it comes with challenges that require patience, humility, and compromise. In this series, we explore three biblical principles essential for a joyful and lasting marriage: Be humble, be considerate, and be selfless.

Understanding the Roots of Conflict

Sandy grew up in a matriarchal family where the women were strong and outspoken. Her mother was the dominant figure, while her father was quiet and kind, never publicly disagreeing with his wife. Sandy and her sisters carried this dynamic into their marriages, choosing seemingly passive men—but behind closed doors, their relationships were fraught with arguments and tension.

Some attributed their struggles to upbringing, others to personality traits like strong will and perfectionism. But the reality is this: most people enter marriage lacking negotiation and compromise skills. Instead, we carry patterns learned in childhood, coupled with our own selfishness and flaws. This dynamic often leads to conflict, with both partners feeling justified in their stance.

In other cases, the husband may be the dominant and outspoken one, while the wife appears passive and quiet. Outwardly, she seems content, but internally, she wrestles with resentment and unhappiness.

The truth is, a successful marriage isn’t about who is right or wrong—it’s about learning the art of compromise. Let’s explore three biblical principles that foster a healthy and thriving marriage.

1. Be Humble: Embracing Humility in Marriage

“For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” – Luke 14:11

In Luke 14:7-11, Jesus shares a parable about humility, encouraging us to take the lowest place at the table rather than seeking honor for ourselves. The lesson is clear: true blessings come when we put others before ourselves.

Imagine what your marriage would look like if you consistently treated your spouse as more important than yourself. Humility doesn’t mean you never express your desires or needs—it means approaching conversations with grace and openness.

2. Be Considerate: Understanding Your Spouse’s Needs

“Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives... so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” – 1 Peter 3:7

Peter’s command to husbands reveals a profound truth: men are not always naturally inclined to be considerate. Their logical, left-brained approach often prioritizes productivity over emotional connection. Yet, God calls men to slow down and be attentive to their wives' emotional needs.

This passage also includes the phrase “treat them with respect as the weaker vessel,” which is often misunderstood. God is not implying that women are of lesser value but is instead acknowledging their emotional and physical differences. Being considerate means recognizing these differences and responding with kindness, patience, and understanding.

3. Be Selfless: Putting Your Spouse First

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3-4

Marriage flourishes when both partners embrace a selfless mindset. Being selfless doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs—it means prioritizing your spouse’s well-being alongside your own. When both partners choose to value one another above themselves, marriage becomes a partnership rooted in joy and unity, rather than a competition.

Selfishness often arises from fear—fear of losing control, fear of not having your needs met, or fear of always being the one to compromise. Ironically, those who approach marriage with flexibility and a willingness to compromise often experience deeper satisfaction and connection.

The Path to a Joyful Marriage

Marriage is a continual journey of growth, learning, and compromise. When both partners commit to being humble, considerate, and selfless, the relationship becomes stronger and more fulfilling.

By embracing these principles, you can create a marriage filled with joy, mutual respect, and lasting love. True happiness in marriage isn’t about being right—it’s about being united.

Act Today:

• Practice humility in your conversations.
• Be intentional about considering your spouse’s feelings.
• Look for ways to serve and prioritize your partner.

When you embrace compromise, you invite joy into your marriage.

For more guidance on strengthening your marriage, check out my book How to Fix Love Your Spouse. CLICK HERE

Interested in our marriage intensive program? Pam and I would love to help you. CLICK HERE to learn more!