This article emphasizes that many marriages fail because couples begin with shallow or selfish reasons, rather than seeing marriage as a sacred covenant before God. True, lasting marriages are built on loving service, deep companionship, and fulfilling God's purpose together—shifting the focus from self-centered desires to God's design.

The way you answer this one question may determine whether your marriage thrives—or barely survives.

When you stood at the altar, exchanged vows, and said “I do,” what was in your heart? Why did you get married? Some people say they married because they “fell in love.” Others might answer, “companionship,” or “I couldn’t imagine life without them.” Over the years of working with couples, I’ve heard just about every response.

One of the most interesting came from a husband who looked at me and said, “I got married for sex and for leadership.” I’ll admit—I was surprised. In his mind, marriage was a pathway to physical intimacy and to a position of authority in his household. His wife, however, did not share that same perspective. This highlights a major problem: far too many couples enter marriage with unclear, shallow, or selfish reasons for saying yes.

Few people view the marriage vow as it truly is—a sacred promise before Almighty God. Fewer still understand that when they say “till death do us part, in sickness and in health,” they are entering into a covenant, not just a contract.

Jesus Himself said, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). The Greek word sunezeuksen means “yoked.” In other words, marriage is God’s idea, God’s joining, and God’s covenant. It is no small matter to pull apart what He has bound together. Both husband and wife are called to honor the vow. Divorce was never God’s design.

So why did you get married? And why should you stay married? Let’s walk through some life-long reasons that align with God’s purpose.

Four Reasons That Help Marriages Last a Lifetime

1. To love, serve, and cherish someone for a lifetime by making a vow to God.
   Marriage isn’t primarily about romance or happiness—it’s about covenant. When you vow to love, serve, and cherish, you are making a lifelong promise to God, not just to your spouse. This foundation keeps marriages strong even when feelings fade or seasons change.
2. To secure a life mate, to create and rear children.
   God designed the family as His primary institution for passing on faith and shaping the next generation. Raising children in the fear of the Lord is a high and holy calling, and marriage is the stable covenant in which that calling flourishes.
3. To secure a lifelong best friend, lover, and partner.
   Beyond parenting, marriage provides deep companionship. Your spouse is meant to be your most trusted ally, your safe place, your encourager, and your lover. This level of intimacy is built through daily choices to prioritize and pursue one another.
4. To fulfill God’s purpose in my life with a partner who helps me and whom I can help.
   Marriage is not just about companionship—it’s about mission. Two lives join together to advance the kingdom of God, to serve others, and to reflect Christ’s love to the world. When both spouses pursue God’s purpose, the marriage gains eternal significance.

Notice that each of these reasons is rooted in lifelong, other-centered thinking. None of them are about selfish gain. When marriage begins with selfish desires—lust, fear, loneliness, or even misplaced hope—trouble arrives quickly. Too many people choose a spouse without first counting the cost. They don’t look through the lens of God’s Word, but through the lens of feelings or unmet needs.

What if, instead, you spent months prayerfully writing down God’s vision for your life—your biblical convictions, values, and mission—and then used that as the standard by which you measured a potential spouse? What if you asked, “Does this person’s lifestyle, character, and heart align with God’s plan for my future?” Imagine how much pain could be avoided if singles took this approach before saying “I do.”

To the Single Christian: Investigate Before You Date

If you are single, let me give you this piece of advice: Investigate before you date.

Don’t even start a relationship with someone who doesn’t line up with your biblical requirements. If the person is not actively pursuing Jesus, if they are not humble, kind, and faithful, if they don’t reflect the four reasons to marry listed above—don’t go on that first date.

Why be so firm? Because the moment emotions and attraction enter in, it becomes far too easy to throw away your standards. The lens of lust, loneliness, or even misguided hope can cloud your judgment. Many have said, “I thought they would change. I hoped they would become the person I needed.” That rarely happens. Instead, the disappointment deepens over time.

Guard your future. Hold fast to your standards. If the person does not align with God’s Word, walk away before the relationship begins. That is the surest way to protect your future marriage.

To the Married Who Feel Stuck

Now, let me speak to those of you who are already married and feel stuck. Maybe you realize you married poorly, without seeking God’s wisdom. Maybe your spouse is not a believer and shows no interest in following Christ. Maybe you feel trapped.

First, you have my compassion. That is a heavy burden to carry. But take heart—God has not abandoned you. His Word speaks directly to your situation.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

“If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her… For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband… But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”

Paul makes it clear: believers are called to remain faithful even if their spouse does not believe. Marriage to an unbeliever does not grant the right to divorce. If you knowingly married outside of God’s will, that was a mistake—but God can redeem even this. Your calling now is to love your spouse in such a way that they might see Christ in you.

Choosing Faithfulness in a Hard Marriage

Even if your spouse resists Christ, you can still live out the four purposes of marriage:

1. Love, serve, and cherish—You can still honor your vow to God by showing love and respect, even when it’s not reciprocated. God sees your faithfulness.
2. Secure a life mate, rear children—You can still model stability, patience, and commitment, which will deeply impact your children and honor God.
3. Be a lifelong friend and partner—Even if intimacy is difficult, you can choose forgiveness, kindness, and mercy, trusting God to supply what you lack.
4. Fulfill God’s purpose—You can pursue God’s calling regardless of your spouse’s choices, while inviting them to join you along the way. Don’t let their unbelief derail your faith walk.

Faithfulness in a hard marriage is not wasted. God honors it. He may even use your example to draw your spouse to Himself.

Get Help

You don’t have to walk this road alone. Our marriage intensives are designed for couples of all kinds—believers, unbelievers, and those who are deeply struggling. We create space for real healing, real salvation, and a renewed walk with Christ.

So let me return to the question that started it all: Why did you get married?

If your answer is rooted in God’s design, your marriage can flourish for a lifetime. If your marriage began on shaky ground, God can still redeem it. Either way, the key is shifting your focus from self to God’s purpose. That is where lasting love is found.

If you or someone you know needs help, reach out today for a free consultation. We are here to walk with you, strengthen your marriage, and lead you both closer to Christ.

---

Click here to chat with Matt for personal coaching and support.

Click here to invite your friends to subscribe to our blogs and join the journey!